Religion

October 12, 2005
Religion. The very word conjures up different feelings for each person. For many, it is the soft lights and resonating voices of the choir on Christmas Eve. For others, it is a weekly trek to sit in a hard pew and listen to a voice drone on about love and sin and God, leaving them 'free' of guilt for the rest of the week! For me, the word religion means loss. Loss of Childhood. Loss of Trust. Loss of family.
You see, I spent the first 30 years of my life in a very fundamental religion. It wasn't just a trek to church on Sunday. Being in this religion permeated every aspect of one's life, every day of your life. What you ate, what movies you saw, what friends you had, what your very thoughts should be were all controlled in a very subtle form. You were not to question. After all, to question is to show a lack of faith. To question was frowned upon. Free thinkers were not welcome, you were to become a master at conformity. I became one of the best. I gave up my genuine self. In the name of religion.

In this religion, Men are the supreme beings. Women are a lower caste, a lesser form. It doesn't matter what a man does, he is going to be ok. My father was an Elder in this religion. He molested me from infancy until I was a teen, at which point he went to jail. After this happened, I heard from so many people who knew what had been going on all my life. But they just felt that if the 'Elders' were handling it, then it wasn't their place to interfere. And so I lost my childhood to this religion, because men are never questioned.

I learned this lesson over and over. No matter what the Elders were told, nothing ever happened to the abusers, usually men. In one case, a man in the religion admitted to raping his wife. He was asked to 'please stop' and then the Elders turned to the wife, and said that in order for her to be a good Christian, she would have to put up with this abuse. In the name of religion. In the name of God. And so I lost my trust in this religion. In any religion.

Once you leave this religion, once you say 'you know what, this just isn't the belief system for me anymore' your entire circle of friends and your family will all turn their backs on you. And so I lost my parents, my daughter and many dear friends. The theory behind this action is that being shunned, and being so alone, will draw you back to the fold. What these well meaning but misguided people don't understand is that once you DO leave, the fog begins to lift. You begin to question your beliefs. You research and find the answers you never knew. And you become the kind of person who's stand on issues is what you truly believe and is not simply parroting someone else's beliefs.

I now have a circle of family and friends who are genuine. Many of them were with me before I left the religion, and saw me through this transition. These people saw me for who I really was and trusted that the path I was taking was the right one for me. Many came into my life after I made this change. They never knew me 'before'. They only know the 'new me'. They've only ever known the happy, joyous me. But all of them believe in me. In fact, every last one of them would show up at the airport to buy my flowers should that be the path I chose!

Religion can bring oppresion, or it can bring Love and Joy. It all depends on whether the religion you choose is about God and his love, or if it is about furthering the agenda of some stranger and their beliefs and interpretations.

I am not a religious person. I AM however, a spiritual person. I believe in God. I believe in the power of prayer. I also believe in me, because I don't just swallow anything I am told to believe. I believe in me because I now have a true sense of right and wrong, a true sense of self.

Thank God.

Jaye