Nothing Sacred

You go through life...and you own everything...your time...your possesions..it's all yours..and then you become a parent. It's not like you 'loose' anything. You don't. In fact, you gain alot. It's just that things are not the same. Take 'time' for example. You never really owned it. But as 'nonparents' you think you do. You wake up when you want. You sleep as long as you want (unless it's a week day, and then you make a show of showing up in time for work!!). Once you become a parent though, time is no longer yours. You wake up when a little someone needs to be drier...or fed...or hugged...Life is no longer on your shedule. Your possesions? hahaha..no such thing. Once you are a parent, it all becomes communal property. 'Your' glass of juice becomes 'ours'. Your bed now holds three or four, even though you were sold a bed that would 'hold two if you cuddled'. You give up alot as a parent. And nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is sacred. You can't shower, go potty (only a true parent says 'go potty'!) without answering several life threatening questions. You know the kind...they go something like "Why CAN'T you put the cat in the dryer?" and "Who was Santa's mommy?". Of course, once that life altering moment of birth happens, you suddenly have all the answers. Answers you never even knew you knew before. Why can't you put the cat in dryer? Why, because the cat is fluffy enough. Who was Santa's mommy? 'Well, of course, Know one knows who Santa's mommy was, because Santa was born so long ago, who can remember?". Anyways....you loose alot of things when you are a parent. You also gain alot of things. Things you didn't know you'd lost. Like how to look up at the sky and simply stare open mouthed at a rainbow. You gain the ability to ward off aliens and strange beasties in the night. Super powers are bestowed upon you when you become a parent. All of a sudden, you become the hero you never knew you were. And you also gain the ability of insight. Ahhhh, yes.....insight. You begin to understand your parents ever so clearly. All those things you SWORE you'd never say...yah...you say them. Things like, "If you climb to the top of that tree and fall, I won't be at your funeral". Things like "of COURSE your hamster is in heaven now" (this after the aformentioned hamster was 'loved' to death by hugging!).
Anyways...as a parent, I have come to understand that nothing is no longer solely 'mine'. I admit that. I understand that. I accept that.
So now, I bid you goodnight. I will get into my pajamas and robe and read a bit before I slumber.
Of course, I can't TIE my robe. Nope. Because my sash is being used as a holster for my four year olds immitation colt 45. He doesn't own a belt at the age of 4. So I had to donate to the cause. But hey...I am a parent remember?
Sleep well...
Jaye

Religion

October 12, 2005
Religion. The very word conjures up different feelings for each person. For many, it is the soft lights and resonating voices of the choir on Christmas Eve. For others, it is a weekly trek to sit in a hard pew and listen to a voice drone on about love and sin and God, leaving them 'free' of guilt for the rest of the week! For me, the word religion means loss. Loss of Childhood. Loss of Trust. Loss of family.
You see, I spent the first 30 years of my life in a very fundamental religion. It wasn't just a trek to church on Sunday. Being in this religion permeated every aspect of one's life, every day of your life. What you ate, what movies you saw, what friends you had, what your very thoughts should be were all controlled in a very subtle form. You were not to question. After all, to question is to show a lack of faith. To question was frowned upon. Free thinkers were not welcome, you were to become a master at conformity. I became one of the best. I gave up my genuine self. In the name of religion.

In this religion, Men are the supreme beings. Women are a lower caste, a lesser form. It doesn't matter what a man does, he is going to be ok. My father was an Elder in this religion. He molested me from infancy until I was a teen, at which point he went to jail. After this happened, I heard from so many people who knew what had been going on all my life. But they just felt that if the 'Elders' were handling it, then it wasn't their place to interfere. And so I lost my childhood to this religion, because men are never questioned.

I learned this lesson over and over. No matter what the Elders were told, nothing ever happened to the abusers, usually men. In one case, a man in the religion admitted to raping his wife. He was asked to 'please stop' and then the Elders turned to the wife, and said that in order for her to be a good Christian, she would have to put up with this abuse. In the name of religion. In the name of God. And so I lost my trust in this religion. In any religion.

Once you leave this religion, once you say 'you know what, this just isn't the belief system for me anymore' your entire circle of friends and your family will all turn their backs on you. And so I lost my parents, my daughter and many dear friends. The theory behind this action is that being shunned, and being so alone, will draw you back to the fold. What these well meaning but misguided people don't understand is that once you DO leave, the fog begins to lift. You begin to question your beliefs. You research and find the answers you never knew. And you become the kind of person who's stand on issues is what you truly believe and is not simply parroting someone else's beliefs.

I now have a circle of family and friends who are genuine. Many of them were with me before I left the religion, and saw me through this transition. These people saw me for who I really was and trusted that the path I was taking was the right one for me. Many came into my life after I made this change. They never knew me 'before'. They only know the 'new me'. They've only ever known the happy, joyous me. But all of them believe in me. In fact, every last one of them would show up at the airport to buy my flowers should that be the path I chose!

Religion can bring oppresion, or it can bring Love and Joy. It all depends on whether the religion you choose is about God and his love, or if it is about furthering the agenda of some stranger and their beliefs and interpretations.

I am not a religious person. I AM however, a spiritual person. I believe in God. I believe in the power of prayer. I also believe in me, because I don't just swallow anything I am told to believe. I believe in me because I now have a true sense of right and wrong, a true sense of self.

Thank God.

Jaye

Friends

In my first blog, I talked about my 'best friend', refering of course to my husband! I got an email from my BEST girlfriend who took me to task for not talking about my 'other' best friend, meaning her! Only a true best friend would have the comfort level to tell someone "hey, what the heck, You didn't mention ME"! hehe....So this blog, as promised, is about HER.
Her name is Melissa. We met quite by happenstance. I had just moved onto the submarine base in the town we live in after my husband had been transferred by the Navy to his new post. So had Melissa. By odd luck, the VERY same DAY! Anyways, a few weeks after moving in and settling in (with a ten day old baby, and my husband being deployed out to sea already I might add!) I took my then almost three year old daughter, and newborn son to the park for some much needed fresh air! While there, I saw this woman with her daughter, sitting on the side. We got to talking (about what I can't recall to this day!) and one thing led to another (as it usually does with us chatty gals!) and before we knew it we had made plans to get our husbands to meet (when they both got home from sea, both being on different submarines!) and to get together ourselves! Sure enough, a few days later, there she was on my doorstep. What a WONDER she was. I was alone with four (count em, FOUR!) kids and here was an ADULT! I probably wore her ears out! hahaha.
As we got to know each other, I realized there are MAJOR differences between us. I have four kids, so by now, I am at the point where I know they are hardy and tough. I don't sterilize everything anymore. In fact, I am at the point where I tell my kids, unless you are bleeding, the 'spurty' kind, I don't want to know about it! Whereas Melissa raises her kids 'by the book'! She worries that they haven't gotten the correct amount of servings of each food group each day. I figure, hell, by the end of the year it's GOT to work out! Melissa has a VERY set nap time. I figure, if my kids are tired, they'll fall asleep, even if that means in a grocery cart at Albertsons! Her kids are on a schedule, while mine are lucky to have the same thing happen twice in one month!
Melissa is well educated. College degree's out her butt! I on the other hand have just started!
I am always on time. Ok, I admit it. I am ALWAYS early. Melissa is always a half hour late!
Melissa does educational things with her kids like makes them playdough and finger paints. I let my kids make creatures out of their mashed potatoes.
So why are Melissa and I friends? We have so many differences. We solve problems from very different angles.
So what makes us tick?
Who knows. All I know is that I love this woman more than any other woman I have ever loved (ok you guys, this is not a porn moment!). She 'gets' me. She is ALWAYS there for me. To babysit. To listen. To laugh. She shows up to every one of my kids birthdays....late, but she's there! She brings the best presents...cause she knows my kids so well! She makes me fudge every Christmas. And cookies...and only a VERY good friend dares to give someone fattening stuff! I know that to her, I am great. I can just be me....no makeup...in my pj's and she thinks no different of me. She would do anything for me.
And I would do anything for her. Cause in my eyes, she is great. She can just be her...no makeup...in her pj's....and I think no different of her.
We often joke that we are both so busy that we have to look at our appointment books and 'make time' for each other. But isn't that what friendship is about? Someone is so important to you that you will use a PEN and INK them into your life? That nothing comes before them on that day?
Yah, Mel and I are vastly different. But then, when you think about it....we are so much alike.
So there Mel...this blog entry is for you. I told you I'd write one!
I love you Girlfriend. Always.
Jaye

Big Day

Well, Here I am...an official 'blogger'. Quite a day for me, as I seem to come from the shallow end of the tech pool! (Just ask my brother the computer Whiz and blogger!). I sit here with so many things going on in my life right now. My husband and dearest friend in the whole world, is out to sea on a Trident Nuclear Submarine. He has been gone for months, and will be home soon, so I am eagerly awaiting his return. I have one last class in college for this semester that begs my attentions, but I am busy redecorating my bedroom as the time for 'homecoming' is drawing near and I always get 'antsy' during this time! (Haven't had sex in three months, what do you expect?!!).
College. Something I never thought I'd do. Having belonged to (former tense) a very fundamental religion for most of my life, I was not encouraged to further my education. Now free of that, I had many choices to make. So I choose a Law career. That was an easy choice to make!My husband has an ex wife that makes life VERY difficult. She wants child support for her child, but no father. So, we have been in and out of court every few months for almost seven years now. In that time, I have seen the need for change in Family Law in not only my state, but every state. So, I have taken upon myself to obtain a degree in Legal Sciences, with the long term goal of becoming an Attorney and then involved in politics. Considering that I am Canadian born and bred, that has to say something about my comittment to the U.S.
I met my husband online...so I have THAT perspective in life as well.
I have teens and preschoolers in my home. A feat that boggles the mind some days, and is so easy on others! I am a biological mother as well as a step mother...both of which I hope to do well, but am realizing that I have much to learn about.
Anyways...on this my first day out, I will keep it short ( a novelty for me I assure you!) and so I hope to keep everyone mesmerized by my words. If not, oh well, find another blog to read! hahahha..
To all of you, family, friends and other assorted loved ones,
Let me into your minds and I will let you into my world.
Hugs
Jaye